I Have No Will of My Own

I've started an experiment, again... And it all started when I was listening to a podcast. I started the podcast episode with entirely different intentions - I wanted to learn more about business. I had no idea that not even halfway through the episode, I would turn it off, pray, and go through a complete paradigm shift. I'm still very much in this process and I'm not used to sharing things in the real and raw timing, so please bear with me as I try to explain this new concept. 

In this particular episode, the speaker was talking about business and having a Biblical financial mindset. He mentioned how God had completely changed his actions and mindset... that didn't surprise me at all. God has a way of doing that when we decide to follow Him. But what he said next is what made me pause. He talked about how he now has no will of his own. If God wants him to have something, he knows that God will tell him to go buy it. He isn't allowed to just go get something because he has the money and it fits within the budget. He referenced the life God lived on this earth and how He said, "For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me." John 6:38. While Jesus walked this earth, He didn't consult His fully man side, He consulted His fully God side for what He should do in His every day. He had no will of His own. Here is where my paradigm started shifting. 

You see, I've done experiments of hearing God's voice before. I've asked Him what to wear, or how to do my hair. While this may seem extreme to you, let me tell you how it lessens anxieties and bad hair days. EVERY SINGLE TIME that I ask Him what to wear and the style of my hair, I feel beautiful. The outfit fits. My hair listens to what I try to get it to do. Every. Single. Time. But that is where the experiment ended. 

I also want to add that my money mindset has always been that if it fits within the budget and isn't an ungodly purchase, it is acceptable to buy. I don't necessarily think that is a wrong way of thinking. However, I am beginning to think there is a better way. 

What if? What if I consulted God about EVERY SINGLE THING? What if I asked Him to present me with the next right thing every time I went to do something. Proverbs 16:9 says that a man will plan his way, but God directs his paths. What if I went to Him first? Would it not save my brain of decision fatigue? Would it not get rid of anxieties? Would it not remove my dependence on self and make me wholly reliant on Him? 

Here's the thing, I don't think God is a dictator, yearning for complete control where we have no say. If He was, He wouldn't have given freewill. But I do believe that He yearns for relationship with us. He longs to be close to us. And He is above all, He knows all, He sees all. While launching a business, we consult with business experts. When buying a house, we look to realtors. When budgeting we look to financial experts. And I think there's a time and place for that. I fully believe that God works through people. But how different would our days be if we consulted HIM first. Would we not have more God encounters? Would we not waste less time? Would we not know exactly who to go to and when to consult them? 

I wanted to continue listening to the podcast, and I think I eventually will. But in that moment, I stopped, took off my headphones, and asked God what He wanted me to do. Quite quickly the thought of listening to the book of Zechariah came to mind. It's not what I wanted, but it is exactly what I needed. 4 chapters in, I heard words that my heart needed today, "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin..."

Literally last night, as I lay falling asleep, my mind was running through all of the what ifs of what God has been leading me towards. What if it doesn't work out? What if it's all just in my mind? What if this isn't His will? It feels too "small" right now to be what He's wanting because it's felt like some doors haven't opened up quite yet the way I expected. And this morning I woke up wondering if I was really doing the right things or if I was just following my own will. God knew my thoughts, my wonderings, the worries. And He had an answer waiting, all I had to do was ask Him. 

Would you try this experiment with me? How much of your own will are you willing to relinquish to His control?