One Year Anniversary of Gideon John's Would Be Birthdate

I had found myself in a valley, deep in what seemed like belated grief. Everyone else had seemingly forgotten, moved on, busy with their own lives. But I was stuck, hurting, and alone. My mind knew the Truth, that I'm never alone, that God never leaves. But knowing and feelings aren't always the same. 

In this valley, I came upon a post about loss and grief. It made the bitterness that I felt seem justified. "I have a right to be angry." "I have a right to feel pain." "I have a right..." I followed this person who posted this and was daily reminded that the grief I felt should become center. In every post, I felt heard, but not filled with hope. 

Over the next few weeks, my resolve to keep pushing wained. I read my Bible and prayed less. I ran to God with my grief less, and I let it weigh me down. Instead of bringing my grief to God, I let it become my god. And I couldn't figure out why it all felt heavier than before... Okay, sometimes I'm a little stubborn and slow at processing. Then one day, and for several days after, God's Light shined on those posts. I would read them and think two thoughts: 1) "Yes! This! This is what I am feeling." and 2) "This is missing Something, Someone." 

Eventually, by God's grace, I unfollowed that person. God opened my eyes: "This isn't what grief has to feel like. I Am the I Am, and I Am meant to carry something so incredibly heavy." Grief, pain, bitterness, anger, all the emotions that come with loss are all valid. It's not the feeling them that's the sin. But when we focus on them, when we let them dictate our actions, when we let them become our gods, that's when we sin. God is our banner in the valley. The banner represents provision, strength, and courage in the battle. He shines bright even when He seems far away. His Light envelops us and burns off the darkness around us. 

Refocus your eyes on His Banner today. Jehovah-Nissi, our Provider, our Strength, our Courage. He hasn't left, He's just waiting for us to notice He's still there.